A Personal Message from Whitewraithe

just_a_note_to_say_blue_feather_pen_card-rc9460a9e99d44a8fbe51669a42a06677_xvuai_8byvr_512When I put the post up about PW not continuing after July 1st I was in a state of mind where I felt unappreciated due to the tumultuous events happening in my personal life.

This is not a diatribe on how awful my life is at the moment although it could always and can be worse.  I want to focus on what happened back in February that put me in a downward spiral emotionally, and then after my injury in April I felt I had nothing further to contribute to this fight against an evil government establishment controlled by corporate Jewish interests.  I didn’t know if I would ever be able to write again.

The happiest day of my life was when my first grandson was born in 2008 since I never expected to be a grandparent in the first place.  Two years later in 2010 the family was blessed with another grandson.

From the time both of these children came into the world my daughter basically dropped them at my feet to take care of because she was incapable of being a parent to her infant sons, then toddlers.  She also had some additional wild oats to sew on her own or with her husband.

Off and on for six years I devoted my life to care for these precious boys providing them with all the love and quality time I knew they required because their mother was so scarce in their lives and they missed her terribly.

Then on a rainy night in February 11, 2015 due to the goodbye wishes I conveyed to my oldest grandson my daughter blamed me for a series of lies she claims I told, which I did not and would never do simply to cause more friction in an already uneasy family situation.

I’ve contributed to raising two precious human beings that now I am never allowed to see again according to my daughter because her husband, who is an alcoholic and drug addict, stated he does not want them coming to our home anymore because he believes I am a detriment to his sons.  Maybe I loved them too much.

Since February 11, 2015 I have not spoken to either child, I don’t even know what they look like as it’s been nearly six months.  I am dealing with a gigantic hole in my heart and my psyche because these children brought so much joy to my lonely, isolated life.

Then the injuries I sustained happened in April 2015, which put me in a chair literally for two months.  I had to sleep in a chair because the injuries were so severe I couldn’t lay down in a bed.  With the emotional pain I was suffering missing my grandsons desperately the depression deepened daily.  I was so far down in the barrel I did not know if I would be able to climb out.  But, I see the worst in everything before I can appreciate the lessons that may be learned due to suffering and personal tragedy.  That’s what life is all about apparently for many.

The only thing I pray for on a daily basis is that one day my grandsons will want to find me, again.  I hope that they are old enough so that I am not forgotten in their minds even though their mother is working daily to wipe their memories that I ever existed.  And that’s a cold, hard fact verified by my own mother and friends of our family.

How does one deal with being exiled from their grandchildren?  Basically, I’ve been in the stages of mourning as though these children were dead.  They’ve been cut out of my life due to jealousy and vindictiveness because of their dysfunctional parents.

So, I’ve had to pick myself up and learn to move on with my life without the love of my grandchildren.  I don’t accept the injustice that my daughter and son-in-law have inflicted upon my reputation as their children’s most beloved grandmother (they called me BAMS) because I know that I am a far better person than both of them will ever be.

Right now I am concentrating on being re-employed which I hope will be very soon.  Then I intend to leave Tennessee and explore new horizons and make a life for myself.  I’ve spent my entire life helping everyone that’s ever crossed my path, but I’ve done basically nothing for myself.  Well, that’s about to change.

And regardless of what’s happening in this rotten country I will find a way, life always does.

Whitewraithe~

16 thoughts on “A Personal Message from Whitewraithe

  1. I believe these children in time will find you again, don’t pray to god to protect them but use your faith as a force of power that you have to send protection in times of need that they will have to maintain their inner strength through the power of the Love you share, the Creator did not make us less than what we need to be so there is nothing to pray for other than to find what we have always had since our own creation & what the Universe has to challenge & teach us . Use your force of faith for your daughter also to evoke that mother Goddess spirit within her.
    The powers of the Universal forces is inexhaustible as long as we maintain the flow of empowering each other to be used appropriately & not allow self need to feel we need to keep it for ourselves, it’s the flow that helps maintain good health.
    I hope this speaks to you about something in a way that you already know.
    Good wishes for you from me WhiteWraithe.

    • While I appreciate your thoughts, they are a little over the top for me.

      How would I know to send a force of power in times of need when I know absolutely nothing about their day to day lives.

      I just know that they are growing up in a house with two dysfunctional alcoholic, drug addled parents with their father always threatening suicide. He is major Bi-Polar. The controversy that they experience on a daily basis is frightening to think about since these children are only 7 and 5.

      And the helplessness I feel being cut off from their lives will eventually destabilize them. I was the constant they could always count on even with my own problems.

      But I thank you for trying to help me see a different approach to this monumental problem.

      • All I can advise is what has helped me over the years of of my hardships & that is through meditation is to actually go to the source of your anxiety as painful as that may seem & draw into it & pass through it & start to learn the language of the heart that does not speak in words like a voice in your head or the like & be willing to build strength in expanding the ability to take on a greater range of emotions instead of avoiding emotions, this takes time to build & validate to yourself.
        I believe that unlike so many that believe people need to become more spiritual to find solutions for we have spirit just like we have emotions but children are sacrificed which is pointless if the perpetrators lack spiritual acknowledgment but lack of emotional acceptance that they wish to avoid eg. ( the cremation of care ceremony) that is why women have been oppressed or more appropriately the feminine which is the domain of the emotions of all of us, we have emotions for a reason & need to understand how they can be practically utilized, instead of trying to get them out the way because they are believed & propagated generally as irrational so continue as being undeveloped & misunderstood.
        When the children of concern need your help the Love you have for them will automatically be transferred for you already have that connection.
        One thing I know for sure is that your emotional development will affect those you have an emotional connection to, Love is very powerful it can have teeth & claws but seek resolution as the main priority but you have to pay for power & it takes strength to carry it & remember that despite what others may do you can’t be distracted from your own self reflection within the circumstance , it’s not about being wrong or right but consequence, it’s not about guilt or innocence but responsibility.
        This is how I see things for myself more than you, all I can hope is that what I share in my understanding of things can help in some way.

        Love from me to you WhiteWraithe

      • Thanks, I understand what you’re attempting to convey and hopefully in the future it will manifest in the way you describe.

        I still cry everyday for these precious boys that do not deserve what they’ve been dealt, but it’s getting better. I have good days then very sad days.

        Time actually heals a lot of emotional wounds. It may never get better but we learn to live with what we’ve been dealt in life.

  2. Hey Partner…

    Yes, as you have told me, it is a sad day for yourself with the actions of your own daughter in purposely alienating your grandsons from you….

    You must remember that the actions here are not your own or of your choosing… Your own daughter has shown her evil ways and is purposely doing this out of anger at you for what she most probably feels are your failings as a mother… Her mind is now bent on “revenge” for what she is possibly perceiving as a lack of love of herself and she is indeed lashing out at you! It troubles me that she can hold such a grudge to this day and how she has had the nerve to use your own grandchildren as “weapons” in the fight to destroy you….. Mentally, she has not matured and shows no sign of maturation…. She is on a road to self destruction and honestly, you should just get out of her way while she ruins herself….

    I have long said that you have to get the hell out of Tennessee… The fact is that what has happened has dragged you down and has left you so weakened that a change of scenery is a necessity…. Kansas City is at least a fresh start….. And it gives you a chance to get away from all the troubles that have surrounded you back in Tennessee….

    You know where to find me at all times…. I have always supported you in your efforts….

    NTS

  3. I am sorry to hear of your pains and troubles in life, and wish you well in prayer. The truth never dies, and you will pick yourself up with God’s help, in whatever form and nature the real God takes and manifests to you as, the aspect of God that you know best, and I hope you will be able to carry on working in that truth, as part of your spiritual life. We all take some severe knocks from time to time, but the soul is beginingless and eternal, and cannot be destroyed by any means, and we grow clearer spiritually every time, and closer to God.

    With my best regards and kind wishes, mothman777

    • Thank you, Mothman.

      I believe that we all reap what we sew in life. If you perpetuate evil and hate it will be returned in kind three-fold. And I’m heartily sorry to say that I have a very evil grown child who wants nothing more than to inflict as much pain upon me as possible because she is incapable of accepting responsibility for her decisions and choices she’s made in her 33-year life. And because of the way she’s lived her life her children felt safer with me than they did with her, and they told me that in those words. That’s why she snatched them away from me. I never once tried to influence these children in any way regarding their love for their parents. I was always telling them mommy loved them very much and would be back soon to pick them up. There were times the boys stayed with us for days at a time. My daughter did not want the responsibility of having them around.

      All I pray for every day is that the one true God watch over, protect and guide these little children back to me one day before I die. Then maybe in another life I may be able to watch them grow up and become mature decent men, which has now been denied me in this life.

  4. Truly a heartbreaking account in your life. I have been going through many trials and tribulations with my family (and long time friends) as well. The pain and greed inflicted upon me by those who were so close to me has been devastating – to say the least. I’ve always tried to help and care for those who have been in my life – and had no problems being generous with a good heart. Several months would go by and not one word from anyone unless they wanted or needed something from me – even then, it was never enough and/or good enough.
    Now I’m in a place of my life similar to yours.
    Time for me to shake out the cob webs and move on. It took a long time for me to truly realize that it is ok to ‘survive’ and have a ‘life of my own’ and not feel guilty.
    We all have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
    I will pray for you, and certainly wish you well. Hope that you will keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

    • Thank you for your kind words and sharing about your own life.

      I don’t know what has happened to people and families in general these days.

      Money and greed are the kings of the world and if you don’t have financial resources some family members don’t seem to want anything to do with you.

      It is just astounding.

      I wish you well, peace and prosperity.

      May we each find our own happiness one day.

    • Thank you, Cartier.

      I felt like my readers should know why I disappear at times, or just seem to give up on occasion. Battling this family depression is draining and all-consuming to the point that the person is incapable of taking care of themselves. There have been days when I sat and starred at the wall all day thinking about how to solve or just accept what is. And I’ve had to deal with these situations on my own, no psychological help or influence is available due to my lack of resources. Plus I would never go back to another mental health counselor today because the sessions are sent to Homeland Security the next day.

      Eventually, I always seem to rise again stronger than before because so many people tell me that I am a true survivor. I don’t know that I really believe that, but I mainly solve my problems in silence, isolation and with a lot of heavy metal music going through my head. LOL!

      • I’m a survivor as well; married twice, once to a fool, once to a demon; lived for 6 yrs with a life sucking vampire; my last engagement 4 yrs ago drove me to bankruptcy and had a alcoholic control freak live with me for 4 months, who wanted to marry me before I finally threw him out. All this over a span of 43 yrs. I’m a loner by nature so don’t ask me what all that was about:P

        Unlike you, I don’t suffer in silence; I take quick action to be rid of the problem. And yeah, I’m done. Hahaha!

        Yes, we’ll survive, for what yet, I don’t know.

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