This is not a diatribe on how awful my life is at the moment although it could always and can be worse. I want to focus on what happened back in February that put me in a downward spiral emotionally, and then after my injury in April I felt I had nothing further to contribute to this fight against an evil government establishment controlled by corporate Jewish interests. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to write again.
The happiest day of my life was when my first grandson was born in 2008 since I never expected to be a grandparent in the first place. Two years later in 2010 the family was blessed with another grandson.
From the time both of these children came into the world my daughter basically dropped them at my feet to take care of because she was incapable of being a parent to her infant sons, then toddlers. She also had some additional wild oats to sew on her own or with her husband.
Off and on for six years I devoted my life to care for these precious boys providing them with all the love and quality time I knew they required because their mother was so scarce in their lives and they missed her terribly.
Then on a rainy night in February 11, 2015 due to the goodbye wishes I conveyed to my oldest grandson my daughter blamed me for a series of lies she claims I told, which I did not and would never do simply to cause more friction in an already uneasy family situation.
I’ve contributed to raising two precious human beings that now I am never allowed to see again according to my daughter because her husband, who is an alcoholic and drug addict, stated he does not want them coming to our home anymore because he believes I am a detriment to his sons. Maybe I loved them too much.
Since February 11, 2015 I have not spoken to either child, I don’t even know what they look like as it’s been nearly six months. I am dealing with a gigantic hole in my heart and my psyche because these children brought so much joy to my lonely, isolated life.
Then the injuries I sustained happened in April 2015, which put me in a chair literally for two months. I had to sleep in a chair because the injuries were so severe I couldn’t lay down in a bed. With the emotional pain I was suffering missing my grandsons desperately the depression deepened daily. I was so far down in the barrel I did not know if I would be able to climb out. But, I see the worst in everything before I can appreciate the lessons that may be learned due to suffering and personal tragedy. That’s what life is all about apparently for many.
The only thing I pray for on a daily basis is that one day my grandsons will want to find me, again. I hope that they are old enough so that I am not forgotten in their minds even though their mother is working daily to wipe their memories that I ever existed. And that’s a cold, hard fact verified by my own mother and friends of our family.
How does one deal with being exiled from their grandchildren? Basically, I’ve been in the stages of mourning as though these children were dead. They’ve been cut out of my life due to jealousy and vindictiveness because of their dysfunctional parents.
So, I’ve had to pick myself up and learn to move on with my life without the love of my grandchildren. I don’t accept the injustice that my daughter and son-in-law have inflicted upon my reputation as their children’s most beloved grandmother (they called me BAMS) because I know that I am a far better person than both of them will ever be.
Right now I am concentrating on being re-employed which I hope will be very soon. Then I intend to leave Tennessee and explore new horizons and make a life for myself. I’ve spent my entire life helping everyone that’s ever crossed my path, but I’ve done basically nothing for myself. Well, that’s about to change.
And regardless of what’s happening in this rotten country I will find a way, life always does.